How to spot a psychopath: 10 signs from a Prague conference

At the “Snakes and Predators” conference in Prague, British professor Clive Boddy warned that psychopaths usually do not look like movie villains but like charming, self-assured and successful people, which makes them extremely hard to spot.

“Many psychopaths, on the contrary, come across as exceptionally charming, confident and socially successful people. They know how to catch your attention, win the trust of those around them and give the impression that they are friendly, capable and willing to help,” said Boddy, a specialist in psychopaths in corporate companies. The conference takes its name from the book Snakes in Suits, in which snakes are a metaphor for manipulators who slip unnoticed into an organisation and gradually win people’s trust. The “predators”, in turn, point to another trait: psychopaths see other people not as equal partners but as a resource to be exploited.

How psychopaths build their careers

According to Boddy, psychopaths rise to the top easily because they are manipulative yet often charming, and they can hide their true nature for months. They win the sympathy of colleagues and superiors, build ties with influential employees and cultivate a reputation as capable leaders. Only later do their manipulative streak, ruthlessness and willingness to use others for their own ends show up. “It is very hard to warn people about them when they have a reputation as the company’s star employee,” Boddy added. Their favourite trick is “divide and rule”: in a firm they set small groups against each other, and in a divided, weakened team it is easier for them to climb to the top.

The British specialist says the brain of a psychopath works differently from that of the general population: when making decisions they rely mainly on the rational centre, while the emotional side stays suppressed. Psychopathy can have genetic causes, arise after brain damage, or result from an environment in which a person grows up without the normal expression of empathy and feelings.

“Psychopaths are characterised by a low level of fear, a complete absence of guilt and a high willingness to take risks. It is precisely the combination of these traits that can lead to ruthless behaviour, bullying or deliberately hurting other people,” said British psychologist Nadja Heym. She also noted that the traditional image of a psychopath with no capacity for empathy is not always accurate: there are people with so-called dark empathy. They understand very well how others feel and what causes them fear, sadness or insecurity, but they use that knowledge to manipulate and control.

Psychologist and psychotherapist Daniel Tůma also says that high emotional intelligence can be among the psychopathic traits. “The ability to read other people’s emotions well is neither good nor bad in itself. Emotional intelligence lets you help another person or, on the contrary, destroy them,” he stressed. In his view, what ultimately decides is a person’s moral outlook. Tůma reminded the audience that recognising genuine psychopathic traits is not simple: problematic behaviour may stem from fear, insecurity or life experience, and first impressions are often misleading.

How to spot a psychopath (based on the conference):

— At first glance seems exceptionally charming and convincing;
— quickly wins trust and guesses exactly what the other person wants to hear;
— often lies or twists the facts without feeling remorse;
— uses people as a means of achieving personal goals;
— blames others for their own mistakes and rarely takes responsibility;
— sets people against each other with the “divide and rule” method;
— lacks empathy, or uses it for manipulation;
— does not respect other people’s boundaries and ignores their needs;
— in relationships alternates between phases of enchantment and feigned love and phases of control, criticism and emotional blackmail;
— values power, success, admiration or personal gain above people.

The story of singer Bára Basiková

Since September, audiences can see a new long-term documentary in cinemas, “Bára Basiková” by director Helena Třeštíková. Besides the career of the well-known singer, it opens up painful topics from her private life. She talks about the manipulation and psychological abuse she went through in her second marriage, to Jaromír Pizinger. She also spoke openly about him at the Prague conference, which dealt with psychopaths in companies, in transport and in relationships.

“That’s just how it goes: a person doesn’t see these things, or doesn’t want to see them. You keep artificially convincing yourself that it’s not that serious, that it will get better. Especially when your partner reinforces it and persuades you that you are the strange one. And they do it very skilfully and brilliantly, because these are above-average intelligent people who know how. They know exactly what to say and do, how to do it and at what moment. They very cleverly drive you into a corner where you are completely helpless. You feel that you are the worst and that you are the one hurting him. It is a common pattern. And unfortunately I lived through it,” the singer told the conference audience.

Recalling the warning signs, she mentions constant criticism of everything she did, from raising her children and her work to her choice of friends and colleagues, and even her behaviour, clothes and manner. “You hear it every day, but you think your partner loves you so much and cares about you so much that he is trying to help you be better,” she said.

People around often cannot understand how anyone can be so “blind and deaf”, fail to uncover such lies and tricks, and not leave. Klára Dušková, a clinical social worker, coach and therapist, explains that when a person is living their own story and everything happens gradually, drop by drop, and moreover at the hands of the person closest to them, it is very hard to see through it.

Why women don’t leave

“It happens in a close relationship, which we enter looking for safety, love and trust, and we do not expect to get something else. People on the outside see everything clearly, but the person inside switches on various psychological mechanisms and rationally explains anything that does not fit their context: He treats me this way because he means well. He loves me so much that I am worth being criticised like this,” Dušková explained.

According to her, many women tolerate psychopathic partners also in order to save the relationship, especially when there are children. A lot also depends on how the woman was brought up by her parents: taught not to be afraid to speak up when she feels unwell, or, on the contrary, not to complain, grit her teeth and cope with everything.

“Unfortunately, I was not raised to have self-confidence. I kept hearing that I was impossible, incompetent, ugly and that nobody would want me,” Basiková remarked. “So I longed for a scrap of attention and love and I didn’t care what kind of person he was. That meant he could allow himself anything with me, and I took it as my lot, as the way things should be. I tolerated terrible things and did everything to please my partner. It went completely over the line,” she said. Although they lived in her flat and she was the family’s breadwinner, she believed him that without him she would be “completely finished”. She raised her daughters differently: she taught them to have pride and honour, to value themselves and to say no when they do not like something.

The singer left the relationship when her partner’s behaviour escalated and became increasingly aggressive. “The danger was real by then, but I still couldn’t have left on my own; my loved ones and my psychiatrist had to pull me out. I had lived in manipulation for so long that I was completely disoriented,” Basiková said.

Dušková compared the inability to leave a lost relationship to a gambler’s inability to stop betting in a game that was lost long ago. “We invest in something we know is a losing cause, but we still cannot stop. The investment so far has been so big that we don’t want to give up, and we bluff ourselves,” she explained.

After the pain came freedom

“When it finally dawned on me how bad this person was and how he was hurting me, I gave him everything he wanted. I didn’t care; above all I wanted a quick divorce and to be free,” Basiková said. According to Dušková, the singer stayed in the relationship so long thanks to her strength and “stubbornness”. “If she had been weaker, she would have given in sooner. Instead she wanted to cope with everything and let it go on until the moment when a person’s own judgement is called into question. Under all that criticism, you keep thinking about yourself and how to improve,” the therapist noted.

By speaking openly about her devastating relationship, Bára Basiková, the therapist says, has opened many women’s eyes and given them the comforting realisation that they are not alone. “Bára now receives a huge number of emails in which women thank her. They are now informed and know what to do. They know they should notice how they feel. And that if you go home tired, yet do not want to be there and are afraid to open the door, that is the red flag waving at you,” the therapist said.

At the end of the conference, when Basiková was asked to leave women with a message, she urged them: “Don’t let anyone take yourself away from you. In a partnership you have to make compromises, but mutual ones, not at the expense of suppressing yourself.”

Source: denik.cz